Let the countdown begin!

So I survived the holidays and I just realized I'm leaving in 10 DAYS! I feel like I should be much more anxious and I'm hoping it doesn't sneak up and attack me a the last minute. I've been pretty busy and answering about a zillion questions about my trip. You learn a lot about people based on the questions they ask. Things are falling into place though. The major hurtle right now is packing and tying up all the loose ends.

For those who don't already know I found out my site placement!!! I'll be spending the year teaching in a small town called La Violeta. It's located in the mountains about an hour and a half south of San Jose. The 300 or so people who live there almost all own or work on coffee farms and the school has about 40 students (so very small classes... no more than 10) I'm about a 25 minute walk from the next nearest town which has internet, bank, post office, supermarket etc. I won't be living there until February though. For the first month we'll be living in Orosi with host families there. Looking forward to meeting the other volunteers and learning more Spanish. Mi espanol esta horrible ahora.

less comfortable mystery

"People must have the courage to leave the comfortable misery that they know for a less comfortable mystery which they don't know, but which in the end might prove far more satisfying to them. The things which scare us most are the things we should go right for because there's much more security on the other side of that than there ever is in clinging to what we always thought was safe." ~ Stewart Stern

So it's time to be honest about my fear. It is difficult to show weakness but there is something to be said for strength through vulnerability. I'm overwhelmingly excited and optimistic about my upcoming trip but I feel it necessary to clear the air and admit to everyone (including myself) that I am also afraid at times. I've been reluctant to post this or share this much with those around me. I don't want others to be overly concerned about me (especially my mom of course). I know how proud and excited everyone is for me and I don't want to let you all down. However, I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. But I truly believe that many of the greatest things we can do are also some of the most frightening. There will be many challenges ahead and while I know deep down I have the strength to meet those challenges I can't help but feel a little uncertain at times. It is natural to be afraid (and perhaps even a bit wise in some situations) but the trick is to live in a way that I am not at the mercy of my anxiety.

I'm feeling incredibly grateful and supported by my community and accepting the fact that no one (not even me) should or could do it alone. I'm sad and a bit anxious about leaving this support behind but I'm also opening to the idea that I will now have the chance to be part of a new community. And remembering that even that which is familiar was as first quite strange. I've also been thinking about how important it is to do the things you love in order to stay grounded and feel a little less "at the mercy" of whatever is going on.

the to NOT do list

I had to put the to-do list aside and paint a picture. Feeling a bit of relief. The pressure of it all was starting to get to me. But really there isn't pressure except that which I create so... why don't I back off already!? LoL Really though the stress and pressure we put on ourselves to get things done is absurd, useless and counterproductive. I know I get less done when I'm stressing and over-thinking and when I take time to put everything fully aside and dance, paint, stretch, meditate, EAT or whatever I end up getting much more done (or at the very least feeling better while doing the same amount) than I would otherwise. I feel like I get wound up so tight in the middle of getting things done that I can't even move. So this post is just to honor the art of doing nothing and not feeling guilty about it. Those things will get done and they will still be there to do when I'm ready but I'm making time to do something else (anything else!) once in awhile.


For all those in the same boat check out this guided meditation for relief from stress and pressure at Meditation Oasis

the oddity of language

As part of my preparation for teaching I'm required to get 25 TEFL volunteer hours. I'm currently a classroom assistant and tutor with Centro Latino in Cambridge (and I highly recommend it if you're looking for someplace to volunteer!) While going over vocabulary today in the ESOL class that I assist the following conversation came up:

Teacher: Repeat after me, kitchen
Students: (collective mumbling resembling the word kitchen)
Teacher: KITCHEN not CHICKEN. You EAT chicken IN the kitchen. Kitchen not chicken.

Later...
Teacher: Dirty. Dirrr-ty. Dirty. Yes, it does sound like turkey. Dirty turkey.

All I have to say is that I am going to have so much fun next year! Teaching English makes you realize how hysterical and nonsensical language can be. Who thinks of this stuff?