failure is not a crime

There are opportunities even in the most difficult moments. Wangari Maathai

While overall things are really great and I'm happy to be here, it's not always easy. There are many ups and downs. Some days, weeks, hours seem so much more difficult than others. But this has always been true in my life and maybe that's what keeps me grounded. The fact that no matter how hard it gets the grass is not any greener anywhere else. Even when I'm at my wits end, having gotten no sleep for days, kept awake but various creatures invading my room I have managed to find some small things to appreciate. And there are so many little bright sides to life here that it seems hard to stay down for very long. When “Wheels on the Bus” comes up on my ipod randomly or we have homemade tortillas for breakfast I remember "there is no perfect, there is only life" (from The Secret Life of Bees).

I have settled into quite a routine which, while comforting, I am hoping to shake up a bit in the coming weeks. I've adjusted to many of the changes to my life and things feel pretty normal now. I wake up to roosters, hear the national anthem at 6:00, hop in the cold shower, have fruit and coffee for breakfast and trek uphill to school. At school I have finally figured out the schedule, which means that I have embodied pura vida (aka go with the flow) in ways I never thought possible. Maybe its the language barrier or the past experience with lack-luster leadership but things that would have normally had me ranting and raving seem to roll right off. That's not to say I'm taking a backseat on the important stuff... I still find a way to teach as many kids as I can on any given day. And with each day I feel myself getting a little clearer on exactly what is important and how to be the best teacher I can be.

In the afternoons I usually come home to coffee and a snack (bread/cookies/crackers... we love our carbs here!) and try to relax a bit before doing any planning. In the evening I spend time with my host mom eating dinner and watching “En Nombre del Amor” a telanovella we're obsessed with. They all think it's funny that I'm so into it but it helps me practice my listening skills. I also recently held a parents meeting and will be starting up adult English classes on Wednesday afternoons. On Tuesday I'm going to attempt to teach a few women how to knit too. I think that it will be a practice in patience for all involved and my Spanish skills will be put to the test. But if we can get going I think the project has great potential.

Two weeks ago my computer cord broke and I was being kept awake by ominous crinkling, scratching and scurrying so I have been getting in quite a bit of reading. I recently finished Unbowed by Wangari Maathai, the first African woman and environmentalist to win the Nobel Peace Prize. It is her memoir of her life and work in Kenya and while I sometimes autobiographies to be a bit dry and hard to get into I could hardly put this one down. In a word: inspiring.

Meanwhile I've gotten more used to the bugs. I don't like them but they're part of my life. Also, at this point I've settled in enough to be able to really focus more of my energy on teaching, which is what I want to do. Some days it's beautiful and we all get along and work together and learn something and feel good at the end of the day. Other days I feel like I'm trying to preform a three ring circus by myself and the audience is looking the other way. Teaching can be incredibly rewarding but also incredibly frustrating. I guess it would be easier if I didn't care so much about having my kids learn something and really doing a good job. But at those times when I feel completely defeated, like not only are we speaking a different language but maybe we're from different planets entirely and nothing seems to be getting through, I try to remember to step back and reflect. When it's not easy is when I can learn the most about my students and about myself. So as Wangari Maathai said in her book “Failure is not a crime.” Far from it. Sometimes it is the best way to truly learn and heal and grow. So here's to nine more months of failure (and learning and healing and growing)!