returning

Well I will be heading to the United States in exactly a week to visit for the first time in almost a year. I’m excited to finally visit my friends and family, to see my mother after 8 months (probably the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing each other!) and enjoy some of the comforts of North America like whole grains and hot showers. But I’m also anticipating a good deal of emotion and stress. Even though I’m coming back I feel sad to be leaving La Violeta and my friends and family here for a month (the longest we’ve been away from each other since we’ve met!). I know I’m coming back (second best decision I ever made) but the truth is, this feels like home right now and I don’t know how it will feel to return to what used to be home, a place that should feel so familiar and comforting but might not be. Because, for better or worse, I am not the same person who left in January but I’m also not entirely clear on who I am now.

But I've started to become aware of how much I love it here and how "accustomed" I am to living here. Everything here that at first seemed so strange and new and sometimes impossible to live with is now... normal. And these past few months I’ve had more than a few moments of contentment and gratitude and joy for where I am. I am going to try to remember these when I am saying my teary eyed good-byes at the airport in January. Even when things get hard, you’re still where you need to be. So I’m going to just be here and ask for all the strength and support that got me here to carry me through into this next year of my adventure.