what do you call god?

People in my town have been getting together and saying the rosary nearly every day lately. It passes from house to house and people come with maracas and guitars to sing and clap and pray. Afterward the host usually gives out food of some sort. Sometimes coffee with cookies and bread or a plate of refried beans, rice with chicken and salad. I've been wondering, “Why in the world would anyone want to get together to say the rosary everyday?” And I don’t mean in the “What's wrong with these people?” kind of way but in the sense of what could be so moving and important to get people to organize and say this many rosaries. I mean the birth and death of Jesus are a big deal, this much I know after 10 years of Catholic school.

The point is I don’t remember this much praying happening last year. Although I should note that I was much more out of the loop on several levels. So I went to the unending source of almost all information in my life: my host mom. I know, you thought I was going to say something like the internet. But no, when I have no idea what’s going on (which is less frequently than it used to be but often enough still) or any sort of question or concern I talk to my host mom, Seidy. Based on my vague understanding of her explanation it’s for the Virgin Mary, La Negrita or Virgen de Los Angeles as she's variously known, the patron saint of Costa Rica. She's officially celebrated in August so I don't know if people are just doing some preparatory celebrations, or what.

I ended up at one of these rosaries today since I stopped by to visit with the family that was hosting. The hour for the rosary to begin was approaching and I figured I’d stay since I really had nothing else better to do. I guess I could have done some lesson planning, but who am I kidding, I probably would have just laid in bed on my computer and I’ve been doing far to much of that lately. So people arrived and before I knew it the house was packed, people sitting and standing in the small living room area or the living room adjacent bedroom or in the doorway or on the porch. While waiting for things to get started people made the rounds kissing or shaking hands with ever person in the room. One of my favorite customs here.

Then the music started and everyone was singing and clapping, the children were shaking their tambourines and maracas. It inevitably put a smile on more than a few faces, including mine, just to be together in that moment. For a moment I imagined what it might be like to grow up in this experience. To know religion more intimately than something experienced in a big cold fancy church with a big group of people who are mostly strangers. Instead to come together in the homes of your neighbors and family, to sit closely, singing and praying, to experience religion as a real part of one’s every day life.

I know this sounds bizarre, that maybe some of you are thinking, what’s wrong with you? Why would you participate in this willingly, on multiple occasions? You're probably thinking about all the religious "nuts" out there and maybe about all the damage people have done in the name of "their" god. The way religion divides. Trust me, I haven't forgotten this and every time I attend church or some celebration I think about how the conquering Spaniards brought this religion and all but wiped out indigenous practices and beliefs. It's a bummer,I know.

Honestly though, it really didn’t matter that they were talking about how holy and awesome Mary is in her immaculate conception of the son of God and asking her to protect us. Maybe religion is just less offensive in a second language because I can’t really understand everything they’re saying. But really how bad can religion be when it brings people together like this? I mean I might not be on board with the idea that I’m going to hell for my many supposed sins nor do I agree with a lot of the wackier beliefs upheld by the Catholic church in general.

But these people are not the church in general. They're not religious zealots. They’re my community, my family really. To participate and connect with them is why I'm here in the small and big picture sense. So I’m not going to let a few little difference of beliefs get in the way. So they’re crazy about Jesus, Mary, God, the Holy Spirit and all that jazz. If it means something to them, if it moves them, who am I to argue. I’m sure I’ve got a few wacky beliefs they’d gawk at. ("You don't eat meat? Not even fish!?") The point is they are good people, doing the best that they can just like the rest of us and when I can be together and connect with them, whatever the reason, this feels like home.

i feel home

Today was another great day full of connections, and teaching, working and talking and doing what I’m here to do. Its good to experience this after feeling like I’ve been away for awhile. After our girls group today, I walked one of the girls home and then my host uncle drove by and beeped. And there I was walking home in the misty afternoon in my mountain town and really feeling like it’s mine. Really feeling like I do belong here still and that I do love it here and I am loved and accepted as well. Immediately following this realization I felt a mild panic or a secondary realization that perhaps this is what I’ve been hiding from. Maybe this is what had been keeping me paralyzed and not wanting to do anything. Because the thought of falling any more in love with this town, with really getting to know the people any better and loving them any more than I already do without even knowing them… well it scares the crap out of me. So maybe I’ve been holding back because I’m trying to protect myself. But the truth is, it's too late. I already know I will suffer a broken heart when I have to leave in December. I already love this place and the people so why am I holding back? What have I got to lose? Except maybe enjoying even more of my time here, of living even more fully in these moments and making lasting memories.