i feel home

Today was another great day full of connections, and teaching, working and talking and doing what I’m here to do. Its good to experience this after feeling like I’ve been away for awhile. After our girls group today, I walked one of the girls home and then my host uncle drove by and beeped. And there I was walking home in the misty afternoon in my mountain town and really feeling like it’s mine. Really feeling like I do belong here still and that I do love it here and I am loved and accepted as well. Immediately following this realization I felt a mild panic or a secondary realization that perhaps this is what I’ve been hiding from. Maybe this is what had been keeping me paralyzed and not wanting to do anything. Because the thought of falling any more in love with this town, with really getting to know the people any better and loving them any more than I already do without even knowing them… well it scares the crap out of me. So maybe I’ve been holding back because I’m trying to protect myself. But the truth is, it's too late. I already know I will suffer a broken heart when I have to leave in December. I already love this place and the people so why am I holding back? What have I got to lose? Except maybe enjoying even more of my time here, of living even more fully in these moments and making lasting memories.