I haven't been spending as much time teaching lately as I might like. The beginning of this month was completely consumed with Independence Day activities and decorating. So I'm not so much a teacher as I am say decorator/events coordinator/misc. minion. But it's all good because I'm still spending time serving my students, my school and my community which is what I'm here to do. Sure I'd love to keep having five day weeks of classes but its time to get real and accept that I might not teach them everything that I had hoped.
It's funny because the first 2/3rds of the year seemed to crawl at times having classes every day which drained my energy and had me wishing for days off. But we were also able to accomplish a lot more and despite the laid-back attitude toward teaching here the fact that we have had school so consistently is a huge advantage over a lot of other small, rural schools. It still breaks my heart that they're not getting the quality of education they deserve and need to succeed. BUT you work with what you got and I've come to a much more relaxed perspective about this.
It's not that my passion and sense of justice over education has dulled but I've realized that it's not all for me to solve and change. That change actually happens quite slowly and I'm only here to do my part. I've also come to realize personally that the challenges we are given in life are an important part of the experience. So while I wish with all my heart for everything to be just and equal, that's not the reality and there's no telling what beauty, what growth, what mystery will evolved from these struggles and challenges. As Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun says "We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart.” My time here has been full of lessons on this truth.
Lately I've been feeling grateful for the challenges, for the struggles, for the painful and uncomfortable and frustrating moments. Oscar Wilde put it best when he said "What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." Easy to say after the fact, when you're not in the midst of it. But I've been working with this idea in my yoga/mediation practice. Usually we think of distractions, hunger, inflexibility, thoughts, stress, tiredness, pain etc. to be obstacles to or limitations in yoga or meditation (or really anything you want to do in life). However, the book I've been reading suggests that in fact these are the very vehicles, the very tools (and the reason!) we need in order to meditate and practice. They are the basis for waking up.
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” ― Pema Chödrön
